Friday, August 9, 2013

When mothers come together

Those few simple words
"Could you give me a hand please? I need help"
Why are they so difficult to blurt them out.

We think about them often, but yet say them so rarely. Is it the fear of being judged, rejected, or our own pride that stops us from seeking what we need?

 Let's face it, we all need a little help. I know I do, and am sure you do also.

If we were met to be self-sufficient we would all be living on a private island with no other contact then our self. As tempting as it may sounds, it wasn't the way we were created.

We are part of a community, a family, and we all need each other. You need them and they need you. You have something to offer, in the mist of motherhood and all the beautiful craziness that it bring.  You are needed. Even when you are feeling low and in desperate need for some breathing space,or just need a break. You do not become a lesser, weaker person because you need a extra help, you are just  a normal human being.

I'm sure you had the opportunity to help someone in need before. Do you remember how good it felt to be able to help? Now, remember that same feeling when you are asking for some help, remember that you are going to make someone experience the same feeling.

You might be wondering why I am writing about this topic. I read a article about what it means when we mothers are saying that we need a break. You are reading these words and you might think "Oh, another post about moms needing a spa day"  or "those SAHM they are just a bunch of complainers that hate being home"

If you are a mother, you know that it's not the truth.

You know full well how much of a blessing motherhood is, you have truly embraced your calling, but you are fully and sometimes painfully aware of how hard it is. 

You might be feeling alone, in need of a break, and don't how to ask for help.

You might be a mother who has little adult conversations on a day to day basis. You might have a husband that travels or is not present. You might had move to a new city and yet met a real friend. You might be feeling a bit depress and finding it hard just to step outside our home.

Maybe you are not one of those mothers, but know one who is in need.

Wherever you are at the moment, the mother in need or the one able to help, I hope reading this post will help close the gap between you two.

For the mothers who need help:

- Take a deep breath, it's ok
- You are not alone
- You are not crazy
- Your feeling are real and no there is no shame in sharing them.
- you are doing a good job, and it's ok to ask for help
- Step out of your comfort zone, seek friendship
- Find a way to communicate your needs to others
- Help someone in need, it's hard to be lonely when you are helping others.

For the mothers who can help :

- Don't be afraid to be a real friend
- Do not assume that all is ok, it might not. 
- Don't be afraid to ask difficult questions
- Be ready to just to listen, do not always try to "fix" the problem.
- If you can help with a certain need, please do it now, do not wait
- Don't think you have to "all it all together" or "figure it all out" before offering your help, perfection is not a requirement.
- Be present in the other person life, even a few minutes can be a huge blessing.

Speaking from my own experience, it is far easier for me to help someone in need then to ask for it. I have to remind myself that it takes courage to be able to tell someone that "I do not have it all together", it is never easy to admit our weakness and failures.

We are all a work in progress and together we can make life a little easier.


  1. This is so true. It's hard, though. I don't like showing anyone what a mess I really am/my house is/my parenting is. I suppose it's pride...
    Speaking of help, I have a way I could help you, if you'd like...(and feel free not to post this comment, by the way) Because you're a normal human being (smiling), and English is not your first language, you often have some small spelling or verb tense agreement issues in your posts. Would you like me to let you know what they are so you can edit them? (Feel free to say no...I won't be insulted. I don't think it takes away from the fact that your content is very helpful.)
    Here's an example:
    "Why are they so difficult to blurred them out." should be "Why are they so difficult to blurt them out?"

    1. Thanks Nelleke for the comment and yes I would love to help with my grammar :-) Feel free to points those mistakes out I will joyfully edit them out :-)

  2. Great post. It is hard to ask for help, and hard to offer it sometimes, too. But helping (and being helped) is such a wonderful way to build a friendship!

  3. I've always had a hard time asking for help - though I never mind giving it. But I really have found that it brings me closer to my friends when I open up and am real about needing it. Great post!

    1. Thank you for you comment Cate, and I agree with you :-)

  4. It is true that we all need help at times. I know I am so thankful for the other mothers who have helped me, along with many others at our church.
    Have a great day!

  5. Very true, although I'm not yet a mother I can definitely tell where you are coming from, since this can apply to a whole range if situations in life. For me, it's usually the fear of rejection of being judged that prevents me from asking for help.

    1. I agree with you Imogen, asking help does not only come with motherhood. I can relate with your feeling of fearing rejection.

      And thank you for visiting all the way from Australia :-)

  6. Renee, thank you for sharing! Isn't it funny that though none of us have it together, we feel so compelled to keep up that image? It's so true that asking for help is hard. I think it has so much to do with both fear and pride. And yet when I have the opportunity to help, I really want the person I'm helping to know that I'm genuinely there for them, and not just helping because I'm too afraid to say no!

    1. " And yet when I have the opportunity to help, I really want the person I'm helping to know that I'm genuinely there for them, and not just helping because I'm too afraid to say no!" <--- yes to that!